My nemesis

Well following a very large series of tantrums I have agreed to bring my four year old twins to McDonalds.  Yes, in case you were wondering I see the irony in allowing them to eat the crap I try so hard to avoid.  Nevertheless here I am sitting in a booth distracting myself with the free wifi and trying to pretend I do not wish to jump over the counter and shove my face in the beautiful mountain of golden, glistening fries that mocks me even from the other side of the shop.  

I have come to realise that no matter how my body changes food will still hold a certain special place for me.  These days barring the occasional binge, food has taken on a more pornographic quality.  The idea of watching Michel Roux Jr (you will learn along the way he is my pin up these days) prepare a beautiful buttery French delicacy is nothing short of the equivalent of an adolescent masturbatory   fantasy but without the sexual overtone.  It is an ultimate appreciation for the beauty and delicate respectful handling of the food.  The wondering of what it tastes like.   Admittedly, I have been trying to get a reservation to La Gavroche  for a year now to no avail.  Probably the universe telling me it would be to much for my psyche to handle.  In the presence of said Chef  I would likely pass out possibly wetting myself in the process, ending the beautiful gastronomic fantasy for good…  This may go under the category of things that should stay an illusion.

On the fat front, I am still attending a slimming group.  I know not everyone is “group” person.  But, I think it very therapeutic.  This is why I feel the need to step it up a bit.  Well actually 12 step it up a bit.  I have found my local overeaters anonymous  chapter and feel like maybe that is my next step.  Having lost more than half my body weight and conquering some very difficult physical hurdles, I do believe the mental ones are definitely due for a check up.  Food still controls me and “I” want to control me.  I don’t want to be foods bitch.  I think this addiction or whatever you wish to call it has to much of me.  It’s like a conjoined twin that shares my blood supply and we can’t live without each other.  

 

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