The Big Reveal

IMG_20140227_110505Waking up in a haze, it was all over.  My thighs and stomach bandaged up from ankle to torso it was hardly glamorous.  But, it was done and for the first time in my life even under the weight of staples and stitches, I was the proud owner of a shiny new “normal” body.  The recovery was difficult I had lost a lot of blood due to the complexity of the surgery and sheer volume of skin requiring removal.

Once I was home the weight of the journey I had undertaken had hit me.  Like a magic wand being run across my body the evidence of my obesity was erased.  Mr Baguley removed several pounds of skin. Where it had creped my body was now taut and contoured.

A couple of months on from the two stages of surgery, I filmed the “Reveal”.  Very interesting experience.  Make up artists applying concealers to some very unusual places.  For the first time I saw myself in a full length mirror without clothes.  I was blown away.  To say the results were dramatic was the understatement of the year.  I was not sure what or who I was looking at or who was looking back.  Definitely not the body I had become used to hating for all of those years.  All inhibitions melted away with the fat and skin.  I was truly brand new in every way.

As I continued to heal I began to realise what a different place the world was for me to live in now.  For some reason my opinion mattered more.  I was treated with greater respect than when I lived in my fat body. People were just nicer.  I learned the term for this was “thin privilege”.  It was a bit like I had been standing behind the velvet rope my whole life and all of a sudden was allowed into “the club”.  I had mixed feelings about all this.  I loved the attention, but on behalf of the fat girl without self-esteem I once was I resented the superficial nature of the way I was now treated.  I recently said to my Mum that all the education and degrees I attained over the years had been a waste of time and money.  So, rather than a college fund at 18, I should have been given weight loss surgery and new set of breasts.  But, the reality was I liked thin privilege and as much as it messed with my mind I had important things to say and this new person I became allowed me the platform to do so.  Like anything though you can either embrace it or let it destroy you…

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