Well, I had something totally different in mind today. But, something on my Facebook news feed really got me thinking. A woman called Haley Morris-Cafiero has done a photo series of herself walking around just “being” really. The people around her and their reactions to her “just being” have been captured on film unbeknownst to them. I am not sure why people have nothing better to do than mock the fat girl. But, as a former “fat girl” I remember all too well the embarrassment burning in my cheeks. Because as much as people think they are being covert, they aren’t. What they are actually doing is systematically destroying the remaining fragile self-esteem of someone whose only crime is existing. I think this project that Haley Morris-Cafiero has done is an important piece of work that needs to be seen. But, at the same time it makes me wonder if I have been a sell-out. I talk a lot about the “thin privilege “and how my life has changed as a result of being embraced into the club of normals. Not that anything about me is remotely normal. But, I would be lying to say I don’t enjoy how I am treated now. I can recall 100’s if not 1000’s of incidences of subtle bullying throughout my life as “the fat girl” when people thought they were being cruel to be kind. I have been through the many “you would be so pretty if…” talks in my life. So, I believed I wasn’t good enough. I don’t have these problems any more. Obviously, it takes more than weight loss and plastic surgery to undo all the damage. I don’t know that it’s possible to fully recover from decades of self-esteem erosion. But, am I weak for wanting to embrace the new privilege? Am I selling out my big sisters? I think what Haley is doing is so brave! I wasn’t strong enough to make the statement she has. I hope to be able to speak from both points of view. But, will both sides listen or have I lost my credibility?